The Not So Danish Girl
You know, as I've progressed further and further along in my transition, I've become more at ease in talking about past me. Not necessarily to everyone (though this blog entry makes that statement redundant), such as the cute boy, for instance, but it's easier now to show and talk about comparisons. Obviously, throughout this entire journey of mine, I've compared emotions and feelings from then to now, and of course, physical features that have changed — that's usually the most exciting part for people on the outside to witness.
So, I want to tell you guys about a little event that happened early last year during my initial couple of months of transitioning. I hadn't started living full-time yet as my true self, so I was still presenting as male, but with a very rapidly-advancing feminine voice. It made things awkward with customers every now and then. But this event is quite appropriate, too, as there's a big Hollywood film out starring a certain Academy Award winner playing a transgender character...
In early March of last year, I was helping this married couple with some craft supply questions of theirs for a project they were working on. This was at work, of course...Hobby Lobby. I went about asking questions trying to gauge what they were looking for specifically, as they were quite puzzled as to how to go about building this craft project...and then out of the blue, the husband looks at me and says, "You know...there's a big actor guy who you look VERY much like." "Oh, yeah?," I responded. "Yeah. His name is Ed something...Eddie Redman? Yeah, Redman, I think. He's British." His wife's mouth went agape, smiled and exclaimed, "Oh, totally! He looks just like you! I think he just won an Academy Award, too!"
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| Left: me, beginning of month two of HRT / Right: Eddie Redmayne in The Danish Girl |
At first, I was horribly upset that these random people whom I didn't know compared me to a man. I didn't want to hear about any sort of comparison to masculinity, as I was already over a month into hormones. But I was nice, and I enjoyed helping them with their project. They were super friendly about everything — even my feminine sounding voice.
So I came home that late afternoon and immediately Google'd who this "Eddie Redman" guy actually was. I quickly realised his name was Eddie Redmayne, and holy hell, yes, I did in fact share similar physical attributes to him. Eddie already, a cisgender male, has quite a few feminine features to his facial structure. And as you can see in the photo above, after more than a month of HRT, aspects of my face were starting to change — which is probably what spurred this customer at Hobby Lobby along in telling me that I looked like Eddie.
And later in the year when it was announced that he would be playing the lead role — a transgender woman — in The Danish Girl, I was kind of immediately filled with glee. My first thought was, "Oh, how perfect." I honestly couldn't wait to see the film. He's an incredible actor, British, AND he was going to be playing the role of a transgender woman!
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| Our cheek and chin structures are a bit different, but yeah. I totally get why that guy said we look alike. (Photo of me is pre-hormones.) |
But this is where I fight with some of my fellow trans community members. Some exclaim and profess that a cisgender, hetero-male shouldn't even be touching a role like that in Hollywood...that it should only be played by actual transgender people. Like, do you realise how limited that makes the casting for such a role in Hollywood?? There are so few trans actors/actresses there, firstly, and second, why wouldn't you cast a cis-male for the role? Seriously. Think about what you started as before transitioning. No, you and I were never cisgender, but most of us looked as though we were.
So I get it. In filming, all sorts of makeup effects can be used to create the look of Eddie actually transitioning in this role...it's Hollywood, after all. I'm quite excited to see him play this role. I just need to get the cute boy to take me to go see it. ;)
Anyhoo. Be good, you guys. <3
