Lease Away! *EOTMP*

11 October

Week 245 (57 Months)
Zach and I have signed a new lease on our apartment — a lease that'll keep our rent at the lowest rate it can be. But we're planning to break this lease should something come career-wise that sends us to the Pacific Northwest. It's drawing ever so closer now.

Right now, our current situation depends on one of two things occurring:

  1. I land a job in my degree field that pays accordingly to suffice living in the PNW's higher cost-of-living; with Zach transferring out to a HD location in his current position as a department supervisor.
  2. Zach is given the go-ahead to take his RMA test (which he'll pass with flying colours and HAS passed previously), granting him the ability to become an assistant manager — to which he'll then seek out and put in for ASM positions at HD locations in the Seattle metro area. Meanwhile, I'll transfer out in my current role as a specialist or possible forthcoming kitchen designer role.
And that's where we stand currently. It's going to be all about timing and finances.

Ironically, I received a call from the Snohomish, WA location HD just a couple of days ago wanting to talk to me about my current role. Snohomish is a bit farther north from where Zach and I want to land an apartment, but I'd make the commute (with my current car, probably not, but a new one? Sure.) And that's where the conflict of needing to land a job in my degree field comes in. But then I wouldn't need the job in Snohomish. o_O Why can't things just work out perfectly??

I just hope that of all of the places I've turned my résumé in to in the Seattle area, at least one will give me a chance. C'mon, Seattle!

Today is also National Coming Out Day for the entirety of the LGBTN community. I have mixed feelings about this day. For one, I'm not ashamed of who I am or what I've come from, but at the same time, I've reached the point in my life of wanting to live in stealth now. New associates at work haven't the slightest clue I'm trans, and people I come across outside of work in my daily goings-on know not either. And I want to keep it that way — especially as Zach and I move to the Seattle area. But for the sake of this blog post, I present to you this...

There's always hope.
And there is always hope. For those of you just beginning transition, or for those of you who haven't but so desperately want to, just know that with patience, perseverance, and love, you most certainly can survive.

Are there aspects of myself still that I despise that others don't recognise? Sure. I, for one, still haven't had SRS that I so badly want. I get depressed when I see other trans girls I know, especially locally, get theirs done successfully. Depressed and pissed off, even. It's infuriating, actually. I badly want a breast enhancement, too. After almost five years worth of HRT, I'm still an A cup. I want that boost in my confidence. I want a brow lift to give me a more feminine eyebrow arch...which would in turn effect the visual appearance of both my forehead and eye structure.

Don't get me wrong, I am super thrilled with the effects that HRT has brought to my face and body. I now see in the mirror every day the person I always knew was hiding inside that terrible shell you see on the left in the photo above. Speaking of, I was miserable. I hated myself. I hated that I was born in the shell I was born in, knowing my brain didn't match what was visible. But now it does. And I'm happy. Just for giggles, I even took measurements last night for the first time in over a year. It's hysterical the difference between now and when I first began my transition.

Oh, my family, you ask? Still nothing. I honestly don't know how long it's going to take for them to come around. I still hope they will. But I've learnt to move on. That stress isn't something I need in my life currently, so I've established that letting go is for the best. Maybe the move to Seattle will ignite some compassion within them...knowing their sibling/daughter is 2,000+ miles away. Maybe it won't. Who knows? But what I do know is that time is running out for my parents. So yes, for those of you transitioning who are dealing with the same situation...seriously, just let go. Do it. Your body's health will thank you for it. You are what matters most. Your happiness. Not others' happiness. Yours.

As for further aspects/events going on in my and Zach's lives, we've both been slogging away in our gaming backlogs — mainly me, as Zach's been hooked on playing Fire Emblem: Three Houses. Dragon Quest XI on Switch has me hooked. The orchestral music alone has me so enthralled. And the gameplay is super fun and exciting. The battle music makes me, do you remember on the old Adam West Batman show, the music that would play during fight scenes? And how "KAPOW", "BOOF", and other comically-themed words would appear on screen as they'd duke it out? Yeah, I wish that stuff would happen during the battle scenes in DQXI. The music is so reminiscent of that old Batman show! :P I love it.

Dragon Quest XI pretty.

Before that, I finished off the new remake of Link's Awakening, Mega Man 8 and X2, and finally Wolfenstein II: The New Colossus. Wolfenstein made my anxiety shoot through the roof playing through that game. But I loved every second of it. Killing Nazis is just the best. That ideology doesn't belong in this modern world. I'll try to get reviews put up on my site for the previously mentioned games soon, too. Right now, Fire Emblem is the only review I have posted.

Our kitties are doing well, too. Ty seems to be recovering from his hip and knee issues he had back in late 2017, but his left hind leg still gives him small issues from time to time. He's much better now, though. Keri is a CHONK. Girl is crazy about food, and we're having to pull back on "dinners" now, because she eats so much — to the point that once she finishes hers, she'll push Ty out of the way to get to his plate. For now, we're alternating days for "dinners" and giving them small treats on the in-between days. She's grumpy about the whole thing, but she'll get over it. I want her with us for a long, long time, so I want her health to allow that. I love our kitties so much. <3
Sleepy babies. <3
To end this entry, I'll let you lot know that I do have a gender doc appointment coming up in November to check hormone levels and whatnot. Hopefully my testosterone level is still staying low (I've been off my spiro med since January 2018). The finasteride I'm taking, although it's not technically a testosterone inhibitor, does seem to be keeping things in check. As long as my value stays below 75 ng/dL, I'm good. My last visit in May of this year was at 38.1. So, I should be okay. Estrogen level was actually higher than expected at the last visit anyway. Fingers crossed that all goes well. :)

Be good, do good. Love!

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