Run *EOTWP*

Friday, March 25, 2016

Week 60
One would think that all of these changes would be incredibly overwhelming. And while the emotional changeover was a bit extreme at the beginning of my transition, everything else has been a gradual ease into becoming my true self. And I'm thankful for that.

Wednesday was interesting, however. I went out for a quick run. Nothing too difficult — I knew not to attempt a 5k right off the start as my first run in the middle of my transition. I ran for a little over a mile, but I was caught off guard by just how much my body and genetic makeup has changed.

It was difficult. I made it to the halfway mark of my run and things went downhill for me (despite having to climb uphill to finish the rest of the run...hah.) My breaths were getting enormously harder to take in, my muscles became weaker much more quickly than I previously remember them doing so, and I even felt as if I needed to vomit near the end of my run (I did walk the rest of the way about three fourths of the way through, however.)

It's all just so insane to me. Pre-transitioning, I used to run a 5k path around my apartment neighbourhood in Jonesboro every weekend...without a single hitch at all. I guess the only thing I can do is keep pushing myself to get better. And I will. Count on it.
Weight holding steady. No gains in shoulder and bust, but hips develop ever so slightly once again. Yay. I have GOT to start waist training...soon.
Hey you guys, my nipples are getting quite sensitive now. Not like pain sensitive like they were at the start of my transition, but arousal type sensitive. This is a good thing, I'm assuming. LOLs. For instance, I was showing Ruth the other day how they're becoming indented in the middle and more protruding around the outsides. She reached up while my guard was down (holding my bra open so I could show her) and quickly gave one a quick rub. LOLs. I immediately backed away and was all, "Shit!" That mess was fierce. It sent a crazy sensation down my body, and Ruth was laughing the entire time. Serves me right, I suppose. :P

I've been singing more. Going back to 2007, I've pulled out the debut album of Colbie Caillat, titled "Coco". It's helping immensely. I'm still WAAAAY off from being able to fully sing using feminine vocals, but it's getting easier. If you know Colbie's sound, then you know she has a lower pitch range compared to most female pop/r&b singers — to the point that if you didn't know who she was, you'd probably think it was a boy in his later teenage years singing. Anyway, it's a good starting point for me. Like I said, it's helping. I've nowhere to go but up!
The changes just keep coming! <3
I know I've written it down in this blog many times over, but I am so taken aback by my physical changes and development. It brings me far too much joy and happiness. I'm absolutely elated to be living my life as the person I always envisioned and knew I was on the inside. It just feels so damn good. SO good. I still smile on the inside when a customer at work — someone whom is a total stranger — calls me ma'am, Miss, or any other female type pronoun/noun. I figured that feeling would have faded away by now, but nope...it's still there! And it still fills me with glee.

For all of the new transgender friends I've connected with on Facebook lately, seriously...BE YOU. Never stop being you. Push, claw, scream, kick, and yell until society finally recognises us for who we are — human.

Be good, do good, er'body! Love! <3

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