Work, Work, Work *EOTWP*

Thursday, February 25, 2016

Week 56
It feels so good to be working full-time once again. I'm even getting to keep my status as an Old Navy employee, too! I'm getting a few hours here and there when called upon, so I don't mind at all. Plus, I get to keep my discount. Not that I ever use it...barely. LOLs. All is good.
I <3 my progress so stinkin' much!
I'm getting psyched about getting reacquainted with working out and going to the gym. My hope is that I'll be able to trim a tiny bit of this stomach fat I've developed over the last couple of months and restart my cardio once more. I've faltered from that over this past year during the course of transitioning out of fear that too much running might interfere with proper tissue development from hormones. I think everything should be okay now, as my body has readjusted itself fairly well to this new hormone intake. I'm excited to see what a combination of cardio exercises and squats will do for my continued physical development and transition. I want this tummy smooth and flat. No alternatives welcomed.

Butts welcomed.

Every day, I'm getting more and more confident about going out in public without makeup on. During this transition, especially once I began living full-time as my real self and even more so before transition, wearing full makeup was the only way for me to feel comfortable with others seeing me. I've always had lots of dysphoria concerning my jawline and chin, and I felt that full makeup allowed some of those masculine features to subside for the time being while my face began slowly feminising via the hormones.
I updated my licence photo and address info on Thursday. Can you see and feel the sadness coming from that photo when I renewed it in 2014? I wanted to die that year. In the 2015 photo, I was two months into HRT.
Well, my face has rounded so much now, my cheek bone structure has changed dramatically, my eye appearance has taken on a more feminine appearance, and my lips, too, that it gives quite a bit of confidence for putting one foot forward into society as my pure and raw self. I love it.

Tuesday, I went out shopping for a bit (yay for state income tax refund), and I was approached by every male and female retail associate with a "Ma'am, are you finding everything okay?"  It's such a great feeling to be recognised as who and what I really am. Cisgender people have no idea or clue about what this feels like, too. I mean, if I could compare the feeling to something else for a cis person, I'd probably describe it as such:
You know how when you perform or do an outstanding job on a task or project at work, and then your boss or supervisor goes way out of their way to commend you on it in a way that makes you feel so extremely elated with confidence?

It's sort of like that, but amplified times 100 based on physicality — a very real and permanent quality. It feels surreal. In the beginning of living full-time upon hearing ma'am or Miss, I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to explode with utter joy and felicity, but I knew I had to stay composed. This past week at my new job, I had an elderly gentleman make the comment toward me, "You're too pretty to be working in a place like this." Immediately, he giggled and smiled, and although, yes, it was a slightly sexist comment, I knew his older heart and mind meant well by it. It made me feel good. I get crazy, fluttery feelings when I hear words like that. <3
I lost almost four pounds. Breasts take on negative growth...my waist takes on positive growth. Also, I really hope my hips aren't finished developing. This makes a full month now that they've stayed  at 38 11/16 in. Ugh.
On to a different topic, you say? Sure. Guess what, you guys?? Next Thursday is my first electrolysis appointment to finally start removing this shit that grows on my face! I CANNOT WAIT. The unfortunate aspect, however, is that I'm going to have to let it grow out at least three or four days worth. I'm scared, actually. I haven't seen anything beyond itty bitty peach fuzz on my face in almost three years. I'm terrified of the dysphoria that might form from it growing. Those who know me well know that my facial hair is the utmost dysphoric attribute I currently have (it was my hair loss, but that's all settled and fixed now...yay.)

And this goes back to the whole going out in public without makeup on thing...I won't be exiting this apartment once I get home from work Monday night to Thursday morning — that's when I'll leave for my appointment. I hope I don't scare Ruth and Phillip. >_<

So, next week's EOTWP blog entry should see some results from that first session. Let's hope anyway!

And until then, be good and do good, you guys! Love! <3
Juno is love. ^_^

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