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| Week 56 |
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| I <3 my progress so stinkin' much! |
   Butts welcomed. |
Every day, I'm getting more and more confident about going out in public without makeup on. During this transition, especially once I began living full-time as my real self and even more so before transition, wearing full makeup was the only way for me to feel comfortable with others seeing me. I've always had lots of dysphoria concerning my jawline and chin, and I felt that full makeup allowed some of those masculine features to subside for the time being while my face began slowly feminising via the hormones.
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| I updated my licence photo and address info on Thursday. Can you see and feel the sadness coming from that photo when I renewed it in 2014? I wanted to die that year. In the 2015 photo, I was two months into HRT. |
Tuesday, I went out shopping for a bit (yay for state income tax refund), and I was approached by every male and female retail associate with a "Ma'am, are you finding everything okay?" It's such a great feeling to be recognised as who and what I really am. Cisgender people have no idea or clue about what this feels like, too. I mean, if I could compare the feeling to something else for a cis person, I'd probably describe it as such:
You know how when you perform or do an outstanding job on a task or project at work, and then your boss or supervisor goes way out of their way to commend you on it in a way that makes you feel so extremely elated with confidence?
It's sort of like that, but amplified times 100 based on physicality — a very real and permanent quality. It feels surreal. In the beginning of living full-time upon hearing ma'am or Miss, I didn't know what to do with myself. I wanted to explode with utter joy and felicity, but I knew I had to stay composed. This past week at my new job, I had an elderly gentleman make the comment toward me, "You're too pretty to be working in a place like this." Immediately, he giggled and smiled, and although, yes, it was a slightly sexist comment, I knew his older heart and mind meant well by it. It made me feel good. I get crazy, fluttery feelings when I hear words like that. <3
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| I lost almost four pounds. Breasts take on negative growth...my waist takes on positive growth. Also, I really hope my hips aren't finished developing. This makes a full month now that they've stayed at 38 11/16 in. Ugh. |
And this goes back to the whole going out in public without makeup on thing...I won't be exiting this apartment once I get home from work Monday night to Thursday morning — that's when I'll leave for my appointment. I hope I don't scare Ruth and Phillip. >_<
So, next week's EOTWP blog entry should see some results from that first session. Let's hope anyway!
And until then, be good and do good, you guys! Love! <3
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| Juno is love. ^_^ |
- 24 February
- 0 Comments
