All Around Sarail: January 2016

One EOTWP

One Year (Week 52)

One full year of hormone replacement therapy is complete. I can't believe it.

I'm happy. So much has changed. It feels as if I'm involved in some sort of fairy tale come to life. I mean, I feel different now. It's crazy. It's incredibly difficult for me to try to think back and remember how I physically, emotionally, and mentally felt pre-transition. I really can't recall how it felt. There was internal aggression fueled by all the testosterone in my body, sure, but I can't remember what that aggression felt like. It's gone. And I couldn't be happier because of it.

Same day, one year apart. I'm so happy now. <3

I have breasts now. And hips, too. My bone structure, although staying the same, has thinned. I'm smaller now. My skin is softer, lighter in tone, and is more susceptible to cold. I stay cold all the damn time now. It's unreal. Everything is super sensitive to the touch. I love it. My shoulders have shrunk in size — my trapezius, rhomboideous, and teres shoulder/back muscles have diminished in their masculine tone and form. It's amazing. The upper portion of the chest has flattened in, allowing my breast growth to really take shape...which has really become noticeable since this last growth spurt that hit near the beginning of December.

At the one year mark: bust and hip growth once again. MUST. START. WAIST. TRAINING. SOON. Ugh.

My nails are more brittle. They grow remarkably faster now, too. My hair has grown in quite well, and dormant hair follicles are growing in, in strides as well! That's the part that really thrills me so much. Anyone who knew me within the last seven years, you guys knew the one aspect that I always harped on so much that depressed me was my thinning hair. I used to cry so much over it falling out. It always caused me so much dysphoria. But that's no more. It's growing!! I love it.

My lips have plumped a bit and become softer. I notice this especially during kissing. ;) My eyes have changed shape — to the point that the corneas drastically reshaped themselves that I had to go and get a brand new eyeglass/contact prescription in June. That's bonkers.

Just look at that. LOOK. I can't describe to you in words how much relief I feel in knowing I'm becoming my true self.

I had to fight for my voice, though. Training myself through my childhood into my teenage years to sing really helped once I began voice therapy in mid-October of 2014. Learning how to properly stretch and train the vocal cords to resonate a higher pitch and tone while speaking came naturally for me. I can't even speak any more at the low pitch my voice used to sit at. It's nuts. I try, but I just sound like a woman with a really deep voice. LOLs. It's incredible how that aptness for talking with such a low masculine tone has vanished. Very, very thankful I was able to train myself well in that area. Voice is such an incredibly important aspect in terms of passing in public. I don't think enough transgender women understand this to full capacity.

I cry. I cry a lot now. I was always adamantly emotional beforehand, but it's expressed at such a higher degree of tangibility these days...it can get slightly overwhelming at times. I don't mind crying, really. It's just, at times, it can hit at an inopportune moment's notice. I might not have tissues handy when it does. :P

Things are finally very real now, and that's what matters most. I'm finally getting comfortable in this body. All of the above mentioned traits are physical, mental, and emotional changes thus far. So, let's get to other facets all around Sarail, shall we? :)

I have a boyfriend now...a cute, fuzzy-faced boy by the name of Joey. He's utterly way too sweet to me. I like him. He likes me. That's good. Hehe. (He's really good at Splatoon, too!)

I lost my best friend, T.C., in October. His fight to live before his untimely passing pressed me harder than any other event in my life. He was my support and comfort through almost 15 years of my life, and was my rock as I began transitioning. I love him and miss him greatly. A friend of mine saw how broken my heart was and introduced me to two brand new, totally adorable and furry kitten friends — Juno and Gigi. They've provided an immense amount of healing since losing my T.C. I'm very happy and lucky to have both of them in my life...even if they are an utter mess. It's adorable, though.

Juno and Gigi doing what they do best in their mama's lap...sleeping. <3

I've moved to Little Rock after several months of debating with myself earlier last year to actually make the move. I left behind a very solid source of income (that I greatly miss), a handful of co-workers and friends that I love dearly, and an apartment that truly became 'home' and a source of safety for me. But that safety was diminishing. I didn't feel safe after having been physically threatened by my sister's now ex-husband. I had to get out.

So my friends from Little Rock came to the rescue — specifically, one by the name of Ruth. She needed a roommate in preparation of starting pharmacy school later that autumn. And I'm not going to hide the fact that aspects of this move have been bumpy, but relocating was absolutely what needed to happen in my life. I feel safer now. My family and previous Herd friends (and person who physically threatened me) no longer know my address of residence. That brings me comfort.

I'm surrounded by love now. Love, support, and acceptance from like-minded individuals who truly understand what having an open heart represents...I've honestly never been encompassed by such truthfulness and endearing honesty. I only had a handful of friends like that in northeast Arkansas...Dexter, Leah, Tori, Bobbi, Hillary, Jade, Ray (even if you were hesitant at first, Ray...hah)...thank you. Thank you for being so wonderfully kind, understanding, and accepting of a girl who was trying to break out and escape from her external prison.

But for Ruth...

You're the sister I've never had in my life. You've taken me under your wing, provided for me, supported me, cried with me, laughed with me, went shopping with me, performed minor toe surgery on me, critiqued me, championed me, introduced me to new grandparents, shared secrets with me, grown with me, gotten tipsy with me, supported and accepted me, and most importantly...unconditionally loved me.

From August 2015 — Ruth and I enjoying ourselves at her induction to pharmacy school after-party at Cajun's Wharf.

I deeply love all of my friends that have shown and exuded their love and support for me from all parts of the world, but Ruth, I value your love, friendship, and sisterly bond to a higher degree than all others. You've fought for me. And I would most certainly do the same in return. I love you. Thank you. <3

And that brings me to one of the final topics I'll discuss from this past year — my family. Yes, family is who and what you make of it, but in this regard, I'm talking about my blood-related immediate family members.

Family Christmas photo from 2009 — one of the last photos I have of all of us together. Most of them were happy. I was not, if you can't tell (pastel green shirt). Discomfort constantly plagued me.

After one full year, I feel even more distanced from them. Not necessarily in miles, but by emotional and personal regard. This might partly be my fault because I've fought so diligently against them to show what unconditional love means, but I haven't seen any form of positive tracking in terms of coming closer to acceptance for who I am. This upsets and disturbs me greatly. My mother is the only one who communicates, and even that is so very little. I feel like I have to poke and prod her just to get words to come out every few weeks.

I'm not going to lie and say I don't miss them. I do. But I also see how they honestly are as human beings regarding differences in values of humanity. And it's gross. It hurts. I still don't understand why it's so hard to just love another human being — especially when that human being is your child, your sibling, your aunt, or your cousin. Shame on you for not seeing the truth in that. Shame on all of you. But I still love you, unconditionally even.

Religion. I was deeply entrenched in it growing up in a Pentecostal church environment. I witnessed sermon after sermon of hatemongering, idealistic and conditional love, and unrealistic family and relationship-based values. Fear and guilt are what was constantly preached. That all brought me near the end of 2012 to finally begin shredding to bits the indoctrination that plagued me all my life. I finally began understanding how disgusting patriarchy is in social settings...be it family, relationships, etc. My family are fundamentalist Christians, and I know it's this belief of theirs that hinders any sort of advance in coming to terms with understanding who I am as a human being.

So being introduced to a wonderful and new slew of freethinking and loving individuals both here in Little Rock and some in Jonesboro finally unlocked my mindset and opened my eyes fully to truth and reality. It was the turning point that finally cleared my mind once and for all. I'd say it was a bit before my brother's wedding in October 2013 when I dropped the ignorance and realised I am an atheist and humanist, though. I remember standing on that stage during my brother's wedding, and the minister (my sister-in-law's brother) asked everyone to bow their heads, close their eyes, and pray. I bowed my head, but my eyes stayed open. Then I looked up and was fixated upon all of the people in that sanctuary doing the very thing they've been taught to do from such a young age...not knowing any better or any truth about why they even do that to begin with.

I bring this up because by October of 2013, I was so very badly wanting to begin my transition after so many delays. I stood there knowing that not a single person in that church understood what had been going on inside of me my entire life. And I felt trapped and cold as I stood there. But as I noticed all of the bowing, praying heads, it sparked a sort of evolutionary thought process in my intellect. I grew. I became smarter, wiser, and even more understanding of differences in this world. And I was beyond ready for my brother's big day to be over and done so that I could finally begin my steps toward reclaiming myself.

This past year, I've reflected constantly on that event and others like it. It's important in understanding how and why pivotal points in our lives bring us to positive change. There's another I'll discuss at some point in this next year of transitioning that has to do with a particular trip I took to Orlando in 2005. But yes, I'll get to that story later. :)

Thank you, everyone, all of you who have positively influenced and affected my life this past year. You guys are truly a gift to my life, and I'm super appreciative of each and every single one of you. I love you all.

Be good. Do good. Year two of HRT begins NOW. <3

29 January
0 Comments

After the Snow Falls

Anna

25 January
0 Comments

Job Searching in the Snow EOTWP

Anna

Week 51
(I'm going to try to start using the rear-facing camera on my phone starting with this post. Better clarity.)

I need a full-time job as of six months ago. I go to interview after interview...and get denied over and over. When will this end? I'm behind on bills. It's building tension for, not only myself, but Ruth as well. The pressure is becoming very severe. I need help. And I need it now.

Like, I come home from my lousy income job at Old Navy every other morning, and I apply to more jobs — each and every day, even. I mean, I did have a decent interview that seemed fairly positive early last week...but I'm still waiting on the callback. Where is it? Why haven't they called to set up the second interview like they said they would do? Am I really so horrendous looking and terrifying that I'm being lied to during interviews just to give me that ever so slight glimmer of hope and satisfaction after I've left...all to make it easier on the person interviewing me? I despise this wait.

Sick at work: no makeup in public is kind of a big deal for me.

I should have NEVER gotten screwed out of my transfer with Hobby Lobby. But I did. And the only reason I can surmise is that a previous district manager disagreed with who I am as an individual (while he was still the DM for the Jonesboro store...and yes, I know for a fact he did), and in turn, wouldn't let me hire on at his other store here in Little Rock...even though the payroll was there to do so. It was the perfect way for the company to let me go — a company that is still private in its corporate affairs.

Yes, the oh so wonderful Christian company that demands checking your genitals to determine which restroom you can appropriate with as an employee. #IJustNeedToPee is still an incredibly valid hashtag. Discriminatory practises at its finest, everyone. That's Hobby Lobby. But don't think I wouldn't take a job there. My pay rate kept things in check, and I absolutely adored fighting the corporate idiocy. There's something immensely pleasing about being a transgender woman working for a company that ultimately disagrees with who I am as a human being.

Yes yes, I didn't have to leave my job and Jonesboro. But then again, I was starting to fear for my life and safety. A girl kinda starts doing that when physically threatened by a redneck male. And I honestly wanted a fresh start in a brand new, more progressive locale. Little Rock, for the most part, is that. And it's great. I love living here so much.

And speaking of Little Rock, we got snow today! Yay! I've always been jealous how much snow Little Rock has always gotten each year over Jonesboro; it always seemed like when Jonesboro was forecast to get a decent amount of snowfall, it would end up either bypassing or get very little. On the rarity, it would snow a great deal. But yeah, it was rare.

Yay for snow! We probably got about seven inches at our location in Little Rock. So much fun!

The kitties aren't really sure what to think of it, however. I think Gigi is incredible fascinated by it, but Juno seems scared to death yet curious of it. And I wish I felt better, too, because I'd probably be out playing in it. I started getting ill and feeling weird on Tuesday, and then the sickness showed its fugly face on Wednesday. I almost didn't think that I would make it through work yesterday — even more so after being asked to stay a bit longer — but I pushed on anyway. I felt so bad that I couldn't bring myself to put on makeup or do my hair that morning. It was the first time I've gone out in public without makeup on...which was a slightly big event for me. Passing is very important for this girl. It matters greatly that people see me publicly for who I really am — a woman. Thankfully, I guess I was able to pass without makeup because I did get "ma'am'ed" constantly by the few customers I did help during the hours we were open. So, that's good. Despite feeling like utter shit from being sick, that aspect made me feel really great. Also, my voice sounds uber terrible right now. I'm ready for it to return to normalcy.

Juno experiencing one of his many, many belly rubs. Cat is nuts.

With that, I'll leave you guys on a good note with a photo of Juno. Such a crazy yet sweet kitty. I loves him so. Be good, you guys! <3

22 January
0 Comments

Two Weeks to a Year EOTWP

Anna

Week 50

What defines you as a person? Okay, I realise that is kind of a broad question to ask, as there could be numerous facets of your being that could define you. Let's go with gender, or for some of you, the lack of labelling yourself in a binary manner. (Since this blog is about my transgender journey...)

Ruth's boyfriend and I had a good discussion Tuesday morning about hormone therapy in children. This whole conversation began when I told him how I was reaching out to a couple who are friends of a good friend of mine. This couple have three children — and one is a transgender girl who is almost 6 years of age.

Phillip began debating how he was unsure of or how it could be problematic to start a child on HRT at such a young age. I wish I would have had more information at my fingertips during this convo, but alas, I didn't. I could only go off of my own experiences as a child. As I've mentioned before, at age six, I knew something was odd. This body of mine didn't feel like it was mine. And because of this feeling, I would occasionally ask my mother, "Why can't I be a girl?" I've done this all throughout my life growing up at random points. So, at such a young age, I knew...at least to a certain point of recognition...who I was as an individual. But living in the household and family that I lived in — a very overly religious one of the Pentecostal nature that abided by strict, stringent gender roles — I had to keep my mouth shut and live the best that I could as something I never was.

I told Phillip that I would give anything to be able to go back in time and convince my parents to start me on puberty blockers around age 8 or 9. I knew who I was after all. It made sense. If you're curious about puberty blockers, by the way, here's a good article about transgender children starting blockers. They've been determined to be safe, and actual hormone therapy isn't applied until age 11 to 13 for either gender. And of course there's elongated androgen receptor studies, too. Phillip wasn't necessarily arguing that it was bad, he's just the type of individual who wants to see the research and science behind it, proving every aspect ideal. I get it. I do. Unfortunately, there's not as much research as one would expect to see by the year 2016. That will change in the coming years as more and more transgender children, accompanied by more accepting parents, come to light. I mean, trans kids have been coming out as far back as 1948. I'm sure there have been plenty more in centuries past, but stern gender roles in society have kept that all in check...as sad as that is. Thankfully, that's coming to an end.

So, I commend parents who step forward and recognise that something is different about their child(ren) at such a young age. The goal of a parent should never be to enforce a role upon their children, but instead, to foster love, support, and acceptance of how they view themselves as they develop. If this means developing under the binary gesture of western culture gender roles, then so be it. Applaud it. Encourage it. But do the same toward those children who feel they're of the opposite gender, too. And likewise for non-conforming children. Those exist as well, you know.

HEY, how about some statistical updates, eh?

Starting a new measurement this week (I really wish I would have done this one from the beginning.) Increases in bust and hips again. *does happy girl dance*

I have two more weeks to go until a full year of hormone therapy is complete. I'm already a completely changed individual, and I feel so alive because of it all. I think there might be some sort of "T-Day" celebratory party in the works, too. 29th of January, after all... ;)

Be good and do good! Love! <3

15 January
0 Comments

Beyond the Nexus EOTWP

Anna

Week 49

"At what central point did you realise that you were transgender?"

I get asked this quite a bit. Not necessarily worded in that exact manner, but the notion behind the question is still the same. It's not so much a realisation that came to me out of the blue one day, but more so a collection of feelings and emotions acquired as I pushed my way through life experiencing all the different facets of a very rigidly and structurally based binary gender society.

"You're supposed to stand to pee...like a man!" No, sitting feels more natural and "correct."

"Play with G.I. JOEs and Tonka trucks and go fishing and hunting and don't be afraid to put your fists up to fight and defend yourself!" No, can I just play Ghostbusters and be Janine carrying a Proton Pak? Oh, I have to be Egon? Okay then. (I'm not even "nerdy.") :/ Can I play with my older sister's toys and makeup and nail polish and put on her heeled shoes and wear her dresses instead? No? Drat.

"You're have to wear clothing for boys and dress masculine. Because I said so." But I really like bows and dresses and pastel colours and softer fabrics and midi shorts and camisoles and bikinis and etc etc etc!! *secretly thumbs through the women's clothing section of the J.C. Penney Sunday circular ad*

I think the biggest set of emotions that came over me in finally understanding what being transgender means was during my relationship escapades in my 20s. It's kind of difficult to explain. I was attracted to the female sex just like the majority of cisgender males are, but my personal, intimate connection was drastically different. And this affected physicality aspects of being involved with a woman. I didn't get anything out of sex. It was meaningless on my end as I was totally and utterly betrothed into wanting to know what my significant other was physically feeling and experiencing. It caused problems...in the bedroom. Because I knew that I should be in her role. All of this made me feel that I was asexual regarding my sexual preference and identity. And that, coupled with being transgender, really opened my eyes and shed light upon who I was at the core.

It made me feel desperate to get started on transitioning...because I wanted everything in my life to start feeling right and making sense. And it is and does now. From latching on to the cute boy's arm when we're together, to shimmying my arse when I get excited about something, to being overall more expressive with all of my actions, this sensation of being able to finally open up and be me for once is incredibly liberating. And the hysterical notion is that it's all the norm for cisgender women. You don't even think twice about it. But I've thought about it a gazillion times throughout my life...being envious and jealous of every single one of you girls every step of the way.

I suppose I still view gender as being very binary — I just happened to have been born on the wrong side of it. Like, I'm super supportive of non-binary, intersex, agender, and genderqueer individuals, don't get me wrong. It's just hard for me to wrap my head around it sometimes. I can't even imagine what it's like for those people born with both male and female sex organs. But like anyone else, I'll look at you as my best friend and offer you all the support and advice that I possibly can give. Because that's who I am. I love. It's all that I know. <3

The boobies...they are a'growing.

On the physical development front, holy hell, are my boobs growing now. I've gained breast tissue for the past eight weeks in a row, and although the increases have been slight (minus last week's, which was much greater than the six weeks before), it's getting very noticeable now. This makes me all too happy, and it gives me SO much confidence going forward. Keep growing, damnit! GROW! >:D

Work has been....errrr...well, I was only scheduled one day this past week. On Sunday morning for six hours....yeesh. :/ I kind of can't pay my bills with that, Old Navy. Think you could add a little more to that, please? Ugh. At least work is getting better now that the seasonal hysteria is subsiding back into whence it came. I've been getting to work more in the kids' department, so I'm much happier now. That's good. Still filling out lots and lots of applications. Full-time job, where you at, yo?

Ya know who I love so much? Rey from Star Wars. She rocks. See ya, space cowboy! Be good! <3

08 January
0 Comments

New Year's Eve Party at Stickyz 2015

Anna

I like him. He likes me. :)

The above is a pre-party selfie taken with the cute boy. I couldn't make up my mind on what to wear out to the party downtown at Stickyz, but Ruth suggested the top you see in the photo after I expressed wanting to wear my miniskirt out on the town (I've never worn it before, and I was dying to do so.) Cute boy liked it enough, I believe. So that works for me. :)

Also, it was hella cold outside. But I didn't care. I looked cute and the boyfriend was loving it. I wore a thick coat at least. Haha. BUT ANYHOW. Yup, Stickyz! I hadn't ever been there before, and upon walking in, we immediately noticed the place all decorated for celebrating and ringing in the new year. It was exciting. I was especially happy that all of my favourite people were under one roof celebrating together. We had a smaller group, but Stickyz was banging. And it actually wasn't too crowded or busy. It was loud (mainly because of the band playing.) Not obnoxious loud, but enough to really set a celebratory mood. And we did so with chicken tenders and drinks! :D

Not pictured: Phillip, Sarah, Wendell, and part of Rachael's head. :P

It's funny, really. The cute boy is a super lightweight like me when it comes to consuming alcoholic drinks. I'm usually quite tipsy after one frozen margarita...and then utterly lost after a second one. :P But yeah, he's the same. I love it. Haha. And yes, as always, I ordered a strawberry margarita (theirs are SO much better than La Haciendas...crazy talk), a mango one as well, and then half of another strawberry one. Sooooooooo good. And it all made the night even better and more fun. I even behaved and was a good girl — I didn't Periscope the event for even one second all night. LOLs.

From left to right: 1.) Take a guess. :P 2.) Sarah apparently hates group selfies. 3.) It's so hard to get this boy to smile for a photo.

Three of my favourite people. <3

So as the night inched closer and closer to midnight and the beginning of a new year, we all decided to go outside for our celebratory new year kisses. I was getting worried because the cute boy had run off somewhere (in the restroom), and I didn't think I was going to be able get my kiss right at midnight. I begin hearing the countdown, and I see all of my friends gearing up for it, but still no cute boy in sight. Three...two...one...here he comes rushing through the doors outside and plants one right on me. *squee* Talk about making a girl restless. :P We stayed outside in the freezing cold for a bit longer after midnight, and the cute boy even held me close to keep me warm (thank you, sir.)

You know those warm fuzzy feelings you get when things just start feeling right? Yup, that's basically my life now. Everything is just right. All the puzzle pieces are falling into their correct place. It's finally playing out the way it always should have been from birth. And I love it. Gawd, I loved having him hold me in the cold air keeping me warm. The feels, you guys. THE FEELS.

Better view of the top I wore. I love it!

After festivities at Stickyz came to a close for us, we pub-crawled a couple of blocks over to Dougan's for more drinks and fun. Not I, though. I was well enough spent. Water, it was. :P After a bit of cracking on, we decided to call it a night and head home. Overall, that was the most fun I've ever had out on the town. And it felt truly wonderful to finally be able to do it all as my true self. See, that's the thing. I LOVE getting out now. I never did before. I was a stay-at-home shut-in. Not that there's anything wrong with that, mind you. I just knew it wasn't what I was meant to be personality-wise.

Oh, how we change as we get older. And sometimes...it's drastic. But I welcome it. :)

Have an absolutely rad and incredibly happy new year, you guys. Be good! <3

01 January
2 Comments

PMS 101 EOTWP

Anna

Week 48

12 solar calendar months. Four weeks/28 days total. 342 individual days of popping "titty skittles." LOLs. Today marks 48 weeks worth of hormone replacement therapy, or as I prefer to call it...my lifeline.

Mid-to-late 2014: A very scared and weary me with my sweet boy, T.C. (pre-therapist sessions)

Last year, I was entrenched in gender therapy under a licensed therapist in the Jonesboro area who helped give me hope in becoming my true self. I remember being so terrified; so beyond unnerved about beginning these initial steps toward reclaiming myself. I remember each meeting building more and more confidence, little by little each and every time I sat and spoke with her. Frowns turned into mollified expressions. Contented emotions turned into aspiring hope. And that hope turned into the very smiles and dimpled grins you see plastered across each of my photos to this day.

Finally catching up with myself. :)

I am my mother's daughter. Literally. It can't be denied.

12 months! :D

But there is one aspect I still fight with — my weight.

I've always been so self-conscious about my weight. Getting called toothpick or beanpole, getting told I should eat more, and even having vile jokes about my weight in relation to sexuality growing up has always put me on edge and made me quite aware of this particular aspect of my physicality. I've always kept myself small. I would eat and eat and eat as a teenager and into my 20s, and I'd never gain a single bit of extra weight. It wasn't until my late 20s that my metabolism started slowing, and I began gaining added weight. Around September of last year, I reached the maximum weight I've ever gained, standing 5'10" at almost 170 pounds.

In 2010 (w/ ex-girlfriend), I reached 165 pounds. I felt miserable. Also...quite confused with the direction in which my life was spiralling out of control. Notice all of the half-hearted smiles from my pre-transition days? Right. It was difficult to sincerely smile (unless someone told a hysterical joke.) [Side note: my neck was so thick back then! Crazy.]

I knew that I needed to shed some of that before transitioning to get myself in a better position to go forward and allow my body (and genetics) to have better results via the hormones. You see, I run. A lot. No, really, a LOT (though I haven't much this past year because of transitioning and my fear of reacting badly to running long distances under my hormone regiment — scared of the possible adverse effects.) But last year, between the months of September to November, I dropped that weight back to my "comfort" level by running more than I usually do. I went from an almost 170 pounds down to 135. I felt great. Though, the depression leading up to transitioning might have helped a small bit in losing some of that weight.

November 2014: I had finally dropped back down to 135 pounds. I was a LOT more comfortable with myself. (Pre-transition)

Now fast-forward to today's blog entry. As you can tell from the physical statistics progression I post every two weeks, my weight has increased ever so gradually. It fluctuates constantly, but the span of my weight fluctuation has increased by about 10 pounds since I began transitioning. When I did begin the process, I ranged between 130 to 135. Now, my normative span is 140 to 145. Yes yes, added weight from breast, hip, and butt growth...but not 10 pounds worth.

Boobs and hips, yay! :D :D

My appetite is insatiable now. And this is because of the hormones. I stay hungry all the damn time. Granted, it is helping the boobies with filling out, but it's also increasing tummy fat — fat that I really wish would hurry up and disperse to areas it should be dispersing to by now (hips and butt.) See, women have more adipose tissue than men do. A lot of this builds up in the hips, butt, upper arm, and pubis areas on women. I've definitely added inches to my hips because of the hormones, and I'm now starting to see it form on my upper arms finally and thankfully (anything to rid myself of the overly masculine muscle definition that's always shown on me from being thin.) It's also starting to push toward the pubis area as well. The skin/tissue in the pelvis area is definitely getting squishier and softer.

Maybe the point I'm trying to make is that I don't really have a point. Hah. I should be thrilled this added weight is finally happening. It's just...it's been so long since I've cracked 150 pounds, and seeing my weight reach that point again scares me ever so slightly (even more so since I've shrunk in height a tiny bit.) Retaining water more easily doesn't help matters either — which is hysterical since it always occurs when my roommate is on her period (and that week is this week. We've been synced up for a while now. LOLs.

Anyhow, happy New Year, you guys. Here's to this year bringing all sorts of wonderful, new changes! *raises wine glass* See ya. And be good! <3 (Another post coming soon about New Year's Eve! Promise!)

01 January
0 Comments

One EOTWP

After the Snow Falls

Job Searching in the Snow EOTWP

Two Weeks to a Year EOTWP

Beyond the Nexus EOTWP

New Year's Eve Party at Stickyz 2015

PMS 101 EOTWP

About me

Popular Posts

Blog Archive

Labels

One *EOTWP*

After the Snow Falls

Job Searching in the Snow *EOTWP*

Two Weeks to a Year *EOTWP*

Beyond the Nexus *EOTWP*

New Year's Eve Party at Stickyz 2015

PMS 101 *EOTWP*

About me

Popular Posts

Blog Archive

Labels

One EOTWP

Job Searching in the Snow EOTWP

Two Weeks to a Year EOTWP

Beyond the Nexus EOTWP

PMS 101 EOTWP