All Around Sarail: 2016

On the Eve of a New Year EOTWP

Week 100

100 crazy weeks of HRT! <3

I'm so happy to be alive. Really. And on the eve of a new year at that. The next four years could be very tumultuous...due to an ignorant half-wit and his socially regressive cronies at the helm of our beloved country...but I'm holding out hope and am ready to fight for progress. Believe it.

I love change. Change is good.

Tonight, Zach and I, along with Ruth and Phillip, will be joining Jenn, Sara, and Matt at their place for New Year festivities. I'm excited. Hopefully there will be some Cards Against, but whatever happens will be fun, I'm sure. I always enjoy going over there as the three hosts are lovely people to be around. Plus...kitties! <3

Zach and I were total, utter lazy nerds yesterday during our day off together. Zachary stayed with me the night before, and we lounged around playing video games all day yesterday while conversing about all things video games and other geek-related topics. It was a blast. I always have a great time spending any amount of time with him, and a full day was extremely blissful.

Even now, he's lying on my bed playing his DS while waiting to leave for tonight's festivities. <3

See? I told you. :P

This past Wednesday, the first of my three days off in a row, Ruth, Phillip, and I headed out once again to her grandparents' place for Christmas in Hot Springs Village. They're such sweet, fun, and kind people, and I always enjoy visiting. I so wish Zach could have gotten to meet them. Maybe next year? :)

Left: Setting the table. Right: The view outside from inside the den area. It's so pretty out there.

So, after tonight, where do we go from here? For me, I'm four weeks away from two full solar calendar years being on hormone replacement therapy. I've never felt more alive. I have a wonderful boyfriend and other half that makes life so much more interesting to experience. The possibility of moving in with Zach is more than likely going to happen in the coming year. Also exciting (and I'm beyond ready for it.) Until then, let's end this blog entry with some boobie development, shall we?? C'mon, I know you like it. Don't whatever me. :P

Growth in the two areas that matter. Hooray!

Coming to form. <3

Be good, do good! Love! <3

31 December
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Christmas Day EOTWP

Anna

Week 99

Hello again, everybody! <3

Can we just take a moment of silence, and say to ourselves how utterly insane it is how much I've changed since this time in 2014?? Seriously. See for yourselves...

This was me — 26 December 2014. It's bewildering. Hormones are rad.

The above photo was also the very first time that I went out into public as myself. Primarily, I just drove my car around town, never getting out, but the experience helped slowly ease me into my current, everyday life. I'll never forget that night. I also really adored that wig. :P

But hey! Christmas has happened! :D <3

The tree is fully decorated with lots and lots of wonderful thoughtfulness neatly placed, resting under the tree. Hehe!

The holidays create so much sparkling jubilation and gleefulness in me during this time of the year. As an atheist, I have so much to celebrate — new family, newfound life, two adorable kitties, and an immensely caring and honest man that I now call my other half. Everyone that attended our Christmas get-together at the apartment became a part of something that, for me, really set into stone why life is worth living.

From left to right: Zachary, me, Ruth, and Phillip (photo courtesy of Ruth B.)

Ruth worked her bloody ass off during the day...toiling cooking and baking to the extreme...until the most delicious Christmas dinner I've ever had was complete. She rocks for that (and yes, Ruth, the kitchen is now clean. LOLs.)

I even got into the Christmas spirit in-game on FFXIV! :)

Jenn, Matt, Sara, and Ayan...thank you for being a part of the day's festive events. I was happy to have all of you lot there. :)

Gigi says thank you for coming, too — despite her hiding in Ruth's bedroom the entire time. Hehe.

And Zachary...where do I even begin? (Warning: this is going to get mushy, and my heart will be poured all the way the hell out.) I love you. I love you so stinking much. You made this Christmas holiday (and the entire holiday season, for that matter) so incredibly noteworthy, so remarkable, and so exceptional to experience. You know me. You know my heart. And it belongs to you. And I know we're both still learning so much about each other as we go. That's one of the many things I enjoy experiencing with you — when I get that "ah ha!" moment with you that just makes me giggle and smile to no end.

And you did that to me again on Christmas day. I honestly don't ask for anything regarding gifts. As I mentioned in a previous blog post, anything I receive is just icing on the cake that I'm already thoroughly enjoying. But you did it. I think my favourite present from you was simply the Christmas card you wrote. You poured out your heart to me, and that created so much felicity and delight within my own. I started to cry. And I kept a good portion of those tears held at bay (though I wanted to let the downpour occur.)

You are most certainly my favourite person in the entire ever-expanding universe. And I found you right here on this planet. Lucky me! I don't ever plan to release you from my grip either. Hehe. So you best be okay with that proclamation, okay? ;)

I love this boy. <3

And on that bombshell (also a new comfy bra that Zachary gifted to me), I'll bring this to a close. There won't be any boobie update with this entry, as I wanted to keep it primarily about Christmas, but I'll be back with that this upcoming weekend...along with stats progression, the monthly photos, and week 100's progression photo. It'll be a loaded blog post, for sure!

Until then, be good, do good! Love! ('Tis the season.)

26 December
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Three Days Off EOTWP

Anna

Week 98

I'm tired. I'm sleep deprived. It's a combination of mental and physical stress from work and hormones at play changing my body. I know it is.

I used to be completely fine getting six hours of sleep every night. But now my body is moving into needing seven...sometimes eight hours. But it never shuts down early enough at night to warrant getting that much. I still end up falling asleep around midnight each night, and then subsequently wake up at 6 a.m. *sigh*

More gains. Yay!

But yes, hormones have internally changed my daily allotment of energy, and I've become more tired and weak in a much easier manner now. I'm happy to have these three days off in a row this week...starting with today. I've needed it badly.

Prisma's a fun app that recreates famous painters' styles onto your photos. I love it. Hehe.

Zach. I love him. Immensely. It sure is nice having him in my life, too. It's more fun that way. <3
And speaking of Zachary, he started playing Final Fantasy XIV Online with me. Yay! Granted he's playing using a free trial (which has expired now...boo), but it's been super fun nonetheless. I've always wanted to know what it'd be like playing an MMO with a significant other, as previous relationships didn't care in the slightest to play something like that with me. I'm happy it's Zach, though, not only because of his complete, utter nerdiness, but because he genuinely likes playing games like these. And he's my boyfriend. That, too. :P

Left: My character, Sarail Clay / Right: Zach's character towers over me. Sheesh. I'm tiny.

He'll have to buy the full game and start playing continuously with me, though. Running dungeons with him was a joy! So much fun.

Christmas is approaching rapidly now, and I'm super excited. Primarily because it's a time of the year specifically geared to showing thanks, fondness, and appreciation toward those that we care about and love. And for me, I like going crazy giving gifts. I sincerely don't expect or ask for anything in return, as I've never been about that, but when people do, it's an extra nicety that I fully appreciate. I'm primarily excited about spending the holiday this year with Zach. That alone makes the entire festive event a special one for me, and I'm sure it will be memorable and filled with lots of pictures. :)

You'll see more on that in the next couple of weeks. <3

With that said, let's bring this to a close, I suppose. Be good, do good! Love!

18 December
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Moving EOTWP

Anna

Week 97

This past summer, Zach's apartment had gotten robbed two times in the span of five months. Terrible, yes, I know. Theft is such a petty, ridiculous crime. And I've felt absolutely awful for Zach each time it's happened. But enough is enough, and his apartment's management is finally moving him out of the specific, secluded location he's in and into a new unit down the hill in a more open area that's definitely more visible.

I was off work on Tuesday and Wednesday with the notion that I'd just be hanging around my apartment all day while Zachary was at work. But that didn't happen. Apartment management told Zach that Wednesday was his move-in day for the other unit, and that he had to be out of his current one on that day. Thanks for the short notice, management. Eck.

So the two of us got together and began deep cleaning and packing up all of his things on Tuesday — Tuesday was also gender clinic appointment day! More on that later, though. Hehe.

Thankfully, Zach doesn't have a megaton of furniture to move into the new unit, so he and I were able to get everything moved over. I think I like the layout of his new apartment better than the old one, too. It's still strange to me that the closets at this apartment complex are all located in the bathrooms. So weird. But one thing is for certain...I feel terrible for the guy moving into Zach's old apartment. It's such a prime hot spot for burglary.

Zach and I taking a break from cleaning.

Yes yes...Tuesday. I had another visit with Dr. Cathey. :)

In the exam room...

The changes are apparent. My facial structure has changed considerably, and I love it. Watching all of that nasty masculinity melt away has been life-saving. (In order: July '15, Sept. '15, April '16, July '16, and Dec. '16)

This time, however, Zachary tagged along beside me and got to meet her. I was greeted with a hug once again upon her entering the room, and it always makes me happy to see her smiling. I know she's thrilled with my results in this progression. I was kinda hoping she would inquire to Zach about certain feelings or thoughts being involved in a relationship with me, but that wasn't the case this time. Oh well. Hehe.

Juno being very suspicious under the tree.(photo courtesy of Ruth J.)

I finally finished my Christmas shopping last night! Woohoo! Online shopping is just the best — no crowds, no wait, no crying children, etc. I love it. LOLs. Hopefully Zachary, Ruth, and Phillip like their gifts...now the waiting game begins. Hehe!

So! Until next week... be good, do good! Love! <3

10 December
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I Used To Be A Damsel In Distress EOTWP

Anna

04 December
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I'm So Cranberry EOTWP

Anna

Week 95

Ah, yes. The holiday season is now upon us. It excites me so, and it fills me with me wonder and glee. It's that time of year I get all emotional, all over again. Of course you know why.

As an atheist, I get asked every now and then, "why do you even celebrate Christmas then?" Easy. It's a conglomeration of pagan rituals and expressions anyway, so I just take out the religious stuff and focus on what matters most — showcasing love and appreciation toward friends and family that truly care by way of gifts, cards, hugs, conversation, etc.

Christmas tree. Cat tree. It makes sense.

Christmas is easy...well, not financially speaking...as gift-giving can create a major ache in my wallet. But the "reason for the season" is easily created by coming together with those that show and offer support, acceptance, and a truly unconditionally loving and understanding heart. It's about friends. About family. And that doesn't have to be blood-related family either.

Now Thanksgiving...oh, goodness. Do I ever love Thanksgiving. Yes yes. It's a combination of what I just wrote about and the one thing my tummy especially loves...food! Hehe.

Turkey Day was fun this year, as we ventured over to the Steck's home in North Little Rock for wonderful food, socialising, Serenity, and kitty belly rubs. Serenity, not the outstanding film, but the band. Yes, blame Zach. He loves them. LOLs.

Zach and I getting ready to leave for the Thanksgiving gathering. I loved my outfit so much!

After eating our scrumptious meal, Zachary and I wanted to just sit and relax, so we found a big sectional couch and ~~totally made out~~ discovered a kitty named Patches lying nearby. Patches is super sweet and lovey. And yes, Zach made a new friend out of him. :P He crawled up into my lap to drool on me and add a bit of furry flair to my outfit. That's what I get for loving cats so much. Go figure.

I caught Jen taking photos, so I had to comply. (Apparently Phillip did, too.) :P
(photo courtesy of Jennifer S.)

The four of us eventually came home after several hours (Ruth and Phillip, yes), and Zach and I just lounged around my bedroom playing video games until we both were too tired. It was a fun night, and I love spending my time with that sweet boy. Zach means the world to me, and I'm sure he knows that. <3

It's Patches! He's so sweet. Zach seemed to take to him really well.
(photo courtesy of Jennifer S.)

Black Friday at work actually wasn't too bad either. My day went by so quickly, and I was selling so much stuff all over the place. I probably did about $6,000 in appliance sales! Woohoo! Hopefully I can resume my normal workflow quickly. My department is so low on stock right now. Goodness.

We'll let the boobies do the talking.

So, if you need some blinds or shades, come visit me! If you need a hug or support, come see me, too! I accept all! Hehe. Until next week...

Be good, do good! Love! Happy Thanksgiving, loves! *gobble gobble*

Also, we met up with Wendell and Sarah this past Sunday evening for dinner at Samurai. It was so good! My "Blue Ocean" drink especially was. Hehe.

26 November
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Something Fierce EOTWP

Anna

Week 94

Go on. Say it to my face. Tell me you wish I didn't exist. Tell me to go "back in the closet where I belong." Tell me you refuse to believe this is real.

I'll laugh at you. I'll cackle so severely, so abundantly and passionately with hysteria, that it will be you that creates your own closet to go hide in. I will not be silenced. I will not be shunned from existing. Your fundamentalism can sod off on its cheery way out the door. It is not needed in this modern world we live in, in 2016.

*ahem*

Work is getting busier as we inch closer to Black Friday weekend. I'm quite happy I'm getting to work my regular shift that Friday, too. I look forward to the busy day. Should be fun! I'm having a really good time now working in the decor department, and I've had many customers who have come to love working one on one with me. Hah, I even had an older lady tell me, as I was walking to the shelf to get a sample book, that I have quite the figure. "Yeah, my boyfriend seems to like it, too. Haha." "Oh, I bet he does," she slyly said. Hah! This was a woman in her 80s. It's great to see someone of that age with a fun spirit and attitude. :)

My selfie pose. My hair looks like poo in this photo. But I don't care. I was talking to Zach, so I was happy. :P

Tomorrow night. Yes yes, I'm excited about tomorrow night. It's double date night with Ruth and Phillip! Yay! We're going to do the whole dinner and a movie thing and check out Arrival at the Rave. No idea where we'll eat. I'm sure it'll be some place yummy, though. I can't wait! Now I just need to put together a cute outfit to knock Zach's socks off...

This Sunday is Thanksgiving with Ruth's grandmother, too. I'm happy we're doing this again, too. She and her husband are such good people and are incredibly welcoming into their home. I'm excited about seeing them again. I wish Zach could go with me, though. :/

But that's not the only chance. Hehe. On the actual day of Thanksgiving, Zach and I, along with Ruth and Phillip, will be heading over to the Steck's for a friends Thanksgiving get-together. I'm definitely looking forward to this event, as I'm sure it will be lots of fun...and tasty food, too!

Good increases in bust and hips these past two weeks. More, more! <3

I'm gonna end this blog post here and finally go watch Clarkson, Hammond, and May's new show, The Grand Tour. See you lot next week! Be good, do good...and love! <3

18 November
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Of Tyrants and Men EOTWP

Anna

Week 93

Donald Trump is, via the electoral college, now this country's president-elect. The popular vote went to Hillary Clinton. And that questions why we're even still using the broken, tired system anymore. Yes yes, I've read enough into why we do, and yes, I agree for the most part, but changes to it, amendments, need to be made. They must. Because Trump didn't win this election based on what the overall populace wanted — the system decided it. Maybe we should start breaking apart the electoral votes individually between multiple parties throughout all states...sort of like what Maine and Nebraska do now? That would help.

Because in all reality, despite what most people think, this election wasn't about two candidates. It wasn't about which candidate was better over the other, whose ideals were more centred with the overall populace, or even whose immigration policies were the most sincere and honest. No no. This election was about an idea that sets on the subconscious of each and every single human being living in the United States, each and every day.

This election was about equality.

There was a choice to make furthering equality and human rights in this nation, and there was a choice that will possibly greatly hinder or harm the lives of those considered "different." I don't care about your 2nd amendment beliefs, how high a wall needs to be built, your fucking emails, the TPP, or any other fiscal/economic or material political issue. The well-being, safety, and equal rights of all individuals is far more important than ANY of the rest of that shit.

When legislation is created that hinders the lives of others from a social standpoint — meaning...laws created to disrupt someone from living as who they are — then that's a pretty damn unethical action created on the part of legislators fueled by conservative opposition.

And that trumps, for lack of a better word, any other political issue currently standing in this country.

So when you voted for Trump because you felt the need to "protect your family," "to keep your guns," or because you've drunk the Republican Kool-Aid of fiscal, trickle-down economics that you so lovingly think are going to cause your family and friends to suddenly become financially successful, you didn't vote for any of that. Because it isn't going to happen (except for your guns...Republicans are adamant about that). Instead, you voted to put LGBT people, African Americans, Muslims, and any other minority in harm's way. You voted to make their lives a living hell. And because of this, conservatives (not all, mind you) throughout the land now feel validated to speak out, even more directly in both physical and verbal assault methods, against such people.

I cried myself to sleep in Zach's arms Tuesday night. I felt fear. I felt despair. But more than anything, I felt that the possibility that I might be refused hormones based on new conservative legislation could happen. It feels real. And I refuse to watch my body regress back into something it shouldn't have ever been in the first place. I would die before that happens. I wouldn't let it.

And I'm not the only trans individual that feels this way. I have so many homosexual friends that fear their marriages might be nulled and voided. Trump electing three possibly Scalia-type Supreme Court justices scares the living shit out of me. Talk about taking America back to some crazed Bronze Age shit.

This country is divided. But it's not divided like you think it is...not quite. This isn't a religious South versus a northeast/west coast kind of thing taking place; it's not a black versus white race thing; it's not even a "my religion is real and yours isn't" kind of thing. No. This equality and lack of compassion for equality issue is based on progressive urban lifestyles verses rural, conservative America. This idea that small town lifestyle and beliefs are how this country has always been and should always be is outdated. And it's always been this way. It's just that now a crazed man by the name of Donald Trump stepped forward with such a brash manner of speaking out against minorities, that those in rural, conservative America now feel validated to do the very same thing. It's terrifying. That's the true terror in this nation. Not ISIS. ISIS is ultimately a joke compared to the violence and abuse that takes place within our own borders. It's depressingly sad. And I'm sick of it.

If you want proof of this, it's super easy to find. Just look at any election map that displays a county by county, red/blue result. All of your major city hubs voted liberally and progressively, while "small town USA" voted conservatively. Look at Arkansas! Pulaski County (where Little Rock is located) is a screeching blue mark upon a sea of red conservatism. City life, where multitudes of culturally diverse peoples live, maintain a fairly progressive state-of-mind. It's wonderful having such accepting attitudes surrounding you in a city!

Each of those blue areas within each state contains an urban populace of voters. The main exception being counties that run along the southern Mississippi River in the delta region of the South — those are low income, primarily black families that understand the dominance of unrelenting, regressive Republican politics. All of that red makes the United States out to be an overwhelmingly conservative nation...but it's not proportional to the majority view of population. Those are small towns, sparsely populated across the land. (**updated map)

But you voted for it. You voted for it loudly and clearly (through a broken system, of course.) Congrats, America. Congratulations, indeed. The Donald is not my president. Sorry. He doesn't and will never speak on behalf of me.

Drop all of this intolerance-based, social conservative, asinine shit and just do one simple thing for a change...

Be good. Do good. And fucking LOVE each other. It's easy.

Also, here's a picture of Zachary and me. It makes me happy. And it should make you happy, too. LOVE! <3

11 November
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Master Strange EOTWP

Anna

Week 92

I'm in love.

Errr....well, I have been for quite a while now, as it was super easy to fall in love with such a wonderful guy who treats me with so much respect and appreciation. I adore him. He's my world. We have incredibly great chemistry with one another, and as I said last week, I get celestial stars in my eyes upon seeing him...each and every time.

Last night, Zach and I had quite the tasty dinner going out to eat, and we took on seeing Doctor Strange during opening weekend. I had a wonderful time, despite being super tired from work (I yawned so much during the movie!) I'm sure Zachary did as well. We both enjoyed the movie immensely, and I do highly recommend going to see it in theatres. The special effects were crazy!

Zach and I at his apartment before heading out for the movie!

Earlier in the week, work was super slow. Ugh. It picked up fairly well on Thursday, and today was just exhausting. The first half of my day was exceptionally busy. I don't mind, though, as I really enjoy my day speeding along like that. And I really feel like I'm starting to make some good connections with customers at work regarding my abilities and knowledge with the decor department. It's been fun. TELL NO ONE.

I've come a long, long way.

You know what I really love and makes me feel quite appreciated? Random people messaging me, checking in on me to see how everything's going regarding life, my transition, and living in Little Rock...it's a great feeling. A warm feeling. I love it. It doesn't happen every day, but that every once in a while chiming in from a friend really makes my day — my week, even!

Do you know what's sad, though?

I wish my family cared enough to do this. (I had a five paragraph long piece written out about this, but I decided to shorten it to the statement before.)

I'm kind of in an emotional state regarding this right now. I mean, my dad's voting for Trump, so that basically says, "I hate you." I haven't heard from my sister since April of 2015 (and even that was in revolt against who I am.) It's the holidays, you guys. It's filling me up with dejection and lamenting over the fact. I wish I could just grab them all by the heads and shake them fanatically until some logical sense filled their critical thinking capacity. But that's not how it works. This is on them. They have to be the ones who come to that realisation that their words and actions are the real killer.

He's so charming. <3

I am incredibly thankful for you lot who do actually care, though. Thank you. I'm thrilled to have such a loving and supportive boyfriend in Zach who cares like he does. I'm happy to have the wonderful new family of friends that I have in Ruth, Phillip, and the rest of my accepting friends throughout the state and country. (And world, even! I'm looking at you, Beth! Hehe.)

How's the saying go? Grow, boobies, grow! :P

Be good, do good. Love. (Seriously, this isn't just a phrase I use.) Next week! <3

05 November
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On the Eve of a New Year EOTWP

Christmas Day EOTWP

Three Days Off EOTWP

Moving EOTWP

I Used To Be A Damsel In Distress EOTWP

I'm So Cranberry EOTWP

Something Fierce EOTWP

Of Tyrants and Men EOTWP

Master Strange EOTWP

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