Dressed With Love *EOTWP*

05 December

Week 44
It's been 11 months since I began HRT. The changes have been incredible. Eight more weeks, and it will have been a full year on hormones (remember, a year is 52 weeks; and I count a full month as a 4-week period.) My boobs are growing more now — slowly, of course, but definitely more steadily now. This makes me happy. My facial changes have been so surreal, so dreamlike to me. I never would have thought I'd make it to this point earlier last year, but here I am. And I'm smiling now. I laugh. I cry. I exhibit all sorts of crazy emotions that I've never felt before, but have always known I should have had from the start. And that, alone, makes me feel alive. It makes everything worth living for. <3
Changes have been amazing thus far. :)
I mean, look at the photo above. You can clearly tell that I've not only lost weight since last year, but my shoulders have narrowed, my breasts have developed (fake, prosthetic boobies in the right photo), my face has developed crazy cheekbone structure, my lips have dramatically softened, my skin has gotten softer and a bit more pale than before, and my actual hair has grown tremendously. Crazy! And that's just concerning the physicality of it all thus far. Mentally and emotionally, I'm exuberant and full of life now. The photo on the right is of a sad, depressed little girl who was still scared and struggling with life. (I still struggle with life, but in different aspects now...no longer concerning my identity. Don't we all, though?)
I look SO different now. This journey is incredible.
I met a boy. He's cute. He's terrible at displaying and telling emotion (really, aren't most guys, though?), but he says sweet nothings to me. And I like that. And that's all I'm going to say concerning that. :)
Moving right along. :)
Work has been horrendous lately. No, not even Black Friday weekend, as I actually kind of enjoyed that day at work — even if my shift was 3 a.m. to 11 a.m. I didn't mind. No, I'm, along with several others, getting severely brassed off with all of the rubbish going on concerning management and shifts. There are managers I love working with, mind you, such as the main general manager of the store, or even the hunky used-to-be-a-body-builder guy that manages the men's and boys' departments, but there's one that gets me bloody fuming on shipment days. And on Friday, this person struck a discord with the
Really trying to smile while at work.
majority of my co-workers by forcing us to stay past our shifts to finish unpacking the shipment, and by telling us we weren't taking a 15-minute break until the entire thing was finished. Bollocks. This was never a thing in the past, but I suppose something has changed now. So, let's frustrate the living hell out of all of your co-workers by talking to us like we're incompetent third-graders. Sure! >:/ I can only hope that catalogue designer position I interviewed for calls me back soon for a second interview. I'm ready to get out of this awful place. I'm not getting paid enough to put up with this nonsense. And the shift times have ruined my sleep schedule and overall functionality.

 Moving on.
Breast growth again! Yay!
"There's so much beauty in the world...if you blink, you'll miss it." — Shea Glover

 There is so much truth to the quote above. And unfortunately, so many people miss it because they're so focused on nonsensical elements in their lives — such as religion, material possessions, or self-power and worth. Our extremely dysfunctional and capitalistic society has ruined the lives of so many people; it keeps human beings from seeing the true value in all of us as a species. Other species of mammals react in an instinctual manner regarding a form of love. They just do it. There's no second guessing required. But humans, no...we're a species that can mentally decide to love or not. And I fully believe that is so because religion is what firmly believes in evil and hate. It does. Seriously, read the oh-so twisted book that is the Bible. It's horrible, the amount of fearmongering and hate that exists within. And it's not just the Bible, too. There are all sorts of other religious texts that exert the same written form of hate.

 Hate is an acquired trait. It's taught. And from a very early age in your life, before you ever even knew such a thing existed, you probably ventured into a church of some form or another. And in that church, you were immediately given witness to the belief that there was a good side, "God," and an evil side, "Satan." You were then taught that every decision you make going forward in your life was determined based on the morality of one of these two sides — that life in general was a very black and white affair in which you progressed. Aspects that weren't considered "good" based on scriptures written within said Bible were drilled into your head...for you to stay far, far way from such taboo subjects or else you'll face the wrath of eternal damnation and torture (ultimatums are a form of fearmongering, which is an inherent trait formed from hate.)

 Religion believes in hate. Humans do not. "But I believe in God, and I don't hate." And that's all well and good. You're one of the rarities in this world who can use religion in a positive manner. But let me get real with you for a minute. You're wasting your time. Why? Why do you need the facets of religion to be good and do good in your life...when you can just be good instead of the notion that if you don't, you'll suffer from some fictional, fiery, and tormenting death? Because at an early age, you were taught to fear elements unseen.

 When you finally, as a human being, realise the idiocy that comes from this, and you truly awaken and open your eyes to what actually exists within reality, love becomes this incredibly encompassing, powerful tool you'll carry going forward in everything that you do. Love inspires hope. It inspires passion. It inspires fruitfulness. It inspires growth. It inspires positive teaching. It creates and inspires beauty.

 And it completely and utterly destroys hate, fear, discrimination, or any other despicably taught trait.

 So be good. And hey, do good while you're at it. Because someone out there needs to be loved. For real. <3

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Anna Claire

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