In Another Life

08 November

Hi. My name is Sarail. Sarail Clay. :)
My alter ego/avatar/character/persona/etc online and in video games goes by the name Sarail Clay. Sort of like Neo was Thomas Anderson's online name/tag in the film, The Matrix.

I've grown up always playing as female characters in my video games. It's what has always felt natural. Errrr...I related to female characters in video games more, that is. Drawn to them. And I got made fun of for doing so, too. Samus in Metroid, Vela in Jet Force Gemini, Talim in Soul Calibur, Marle and Ayla in Chrono Trigger, and Princess Garnet in FFIX. The list could go on and on and on. I love them.

And in 2002, I was introduced to my very first massively multiplayer online RPG (MMO), titled Final Fantasy XI Online. My brother and I bonded playing this game together (along with my childhood and lifelong best friend, too), and I fell in love with the world, lore, and characters all the same. It was here that "Sarail" was born.
The very first. ^_^
My brother and I played this game for several years — Shaun more so than me. But I would always come back to it occasionally in small spurts of play. It was so much fun. And it was in this very game that my identity continued shaping itself into who I am today. I always had the fallback quote of telling my brother, friend, or others who played alongside me that I was "just roleplaying the character" in my chat texts as a cover-up for who I really have always been, but was always the real me conversing in-game. Which leads us to the next game in the subject at hand...

Final Fantasy XIV.

I stopped playing FFXI around 2008...although I did have one final, small bit of a run in 2010 when I dated an ex-girlfriend (I don't think she was a fan of the game...LOLs.) But then later that year in 2010, FFXIV released. Once again, my brother, my best friend, and I were all incredibly excited to give the MMO world another run once more. I dunno, it's thrilling for us. Bugger off. :P

And with this new release, I was able to delve further into my identity (2006 to 2010 was rough for me as I was trying very hard to prove to myself I could be masculine and male.) I was excited because I knew I'd get to be myself publicly (at least in-game) once again without any stress of hiding. And so I did. Sarail Clay, the character you see above in this post's initial photo is me, personified into video game avatar form. Sarail is me, and I am her (minus the initial green hair.)

Sarail Clay. Me, personified! <3

And I've continued playing the game, even now, though separately from my brother and my best friend. My friend has situations of his own that are keeping him from enjoying playing, and my brother...well, you guys know why. Ugh. Such a shame.

I've actually had a bit of a trying time this past summer since moving to Little Rock concerning playtime with FFXIV. Not that I've lost a desire to want to play, but more a guilt feeling from not having a full-time job (I feel my time should be spent pursuing jobs over playing the game.) Because FFXIV, and MMOs in general, take a lot of one's time away. But I love them. It's a part of me, just as I'm a part of it. I wouldn't have it any other way.
FFXIV is beautiful! I love the scenery all around.
Now if only they'd introduce BLU and RDM to the game. (An entirely different topic for another time. LOLs)

Be good, er'body! See ya, space cowboy. <3

You Might Also Like