A Somber State of Mind *EOTWP*

09 October

Week 36
It's hard to smile this week. In the photo you see above, it's quite forced. There's a major reason why, and you'll find out in an upcoming post soon. For now, I'm sorry. I don't quite have the mental strength to discuss it at length currently (though I have started writing the blog post...as hard as it is to get through it.) So, please be patient with me as I push myself emotionally through this sorrow and anguish. Please.

Another set of job interviews, another set of drawbacks. I had quite a fantastic interview with Dillard's Corporate on Tuesday for an eCommerce writer position — one that I was finely tuned for. I hit every nail on the head pertaining to all of the questions they asked, and even returned fire with my own, wanting to know more in-depth particular aspects of the role I would be taking on. The three women who interviewed me all seemed very impressed. One girl, however, had a look of uncertainty on her. Not regarding answers to the interview questions, not regarding my educational and current career experience, but more so with my physicality.

See, Dillard's Corporate is one of the absolute worst, unfriendly to the LGBT audience companies in this country. And I believe one of the girls (the one I'd primarily be working with, had I gotten the job) immediately pegged me as trans upon seeing me. Because I do not freaking understand how I didn't get that job. At the end of the interview, I was told that they had several more people to interview throughout the week, but that they would call and let me know about it a few days after by the end of the week. That's great. That's fine. I can handle that. No problem. But to receive an email 
within 45 flipping minutes of leaving the interview from the one girl who was showing me uncertainty, telling me, "We've decided to move forward in a different direction for this position", no no no...that's not going to fly with me. Don't lie to me. Just tell me that me being transgender made you feel uncomfortable, and in turn, made you not want to hire me. I can handle that bullshit. But DO NOT LIE TO ME.

Moving on. I had another interview today fielded for a receptionist position for a company called ARMI, Inc. - a supposed marketing and advertising agency. Sure! I could do that as a receptionist. I'm generally knowledgeable when it comes to those two specific areas of work anyway, so I could definitely be helpful in that role. I get there, I'm having another wonderful interview, and then the guy tells me that this position isn't for a receptionist role...it's for sales. Ugh. No thank you. I can't do that. It's not who I am. I'm not an aggressive enough person to want to throw myself into that field of work. No thanks.

So, here I am back at square one again. Still working my crummy job with Old Navy, still not making anywhere near enough to get by in life. And this struggle is wearing on me. I'm honestly not sure if I'd still be here if it weren't for my wonderfully amazing roommate, Ruth. She's done so much for me, and I'm indebted to her for the rest of my life. Truly. But I'm still filling out applications and turning in CVs. I won't stop until I finally land something great. It will happen. It will.

Here's the monthly progression set...

And here's the two week physical stats report...

Hip increase! Woohoo!
I'll talk to you guys next week. Hopefully I'll have better news for you. Be good to each other. Please.

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