Innovations of a Memoir *EOTWP*

04 September

Week 31
I like to think that I'm talented. In fact, I know I am. Despite failing a recent AP style copy editing test for an interview, I know I can write well. I know good photography when I shoot it. I know how to make the tastiest key lime pie you'll ever eat. I know where all the warp whistles are located in Super Mario Bros. 3. I can sing and write music; I can play guitar, bass, and mandolin as well. And I'm one of the hardest workers you'll ever meet. It's true!

Feeling hopeless at times
But why do I feel so worthless? Why do I keep receiving rejection after rejection? This new job with Old Navy is part-time, terrible pay, and not enough hours to even sustain my finances. And the work? It's retail. And after the last two nights of working there, I can honestly assert that I despise working in a clothing store. I loathe it. I almost started crying out on the sales floor while folding shirts...all because I felt like an idiot. I'm 33 years old working part-time, making a terribly low nine dollars an hour, and yet I have a bachelor's degree in Digital Media / Journalism. I hate it. And part of this job requires me to push Old Navy credit cards on customers. I am not an aggressive person, and I absolutely despise when employees press me, as a customer, for that nonsense. I don't want to do it to the people coming into that store—because I know how annoying it is. I feel for people. I always have. It's just who I am. I care too much for others.

Maybe it's my time of the month. I dunno. I apologize for the negativity in this post. I'm just sick and tired of struggling. This has never happened to me before, and I'm just not dealing with it well. I'm sorry.

I'm just gonna keep filling out applications and turning in résumés each and every morning like I've been doing this past summer—even if I do keep getting denied for basic secretarial positions. Hah! I love when they tell me I don't fit or meet the qualifications for that role. Nonsense.  Someone hire me for full-time hours, dammit! :'( I'm about to drown.

Next week. Be good.

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