Week 26

"I've always been baffled at how the overzealous think personal desire is a product of devilry, but that to coerce others to fit your desires through threat of damnation is not." - Avery Romero

"'Honor thy father and thy mother' can be such a vague tenet. The advice behind it is reasonable--respect the ground of experience your parents have tread, both before and beside you--but when it comes to adulthood, that principle so often degenerates into forced servitude to the concerns of the elderly. I always find it funny that most of the verses in the Bible relating to self-worth come with the price tag of altruism--doing great things not for yourself, but for others. And really, who can the helpless help, but themselves?" - Avery Romero

"My mother in particular, was really frustrated that she'd seemingly 'failed' as a parent, for a long time, when I spent most of my days depressed, about my unchanging body. Transformation was the single drive of my life, and I expressed it as a sexual fetish, imagining scenes of my own rebirth into a female creature, to escape my problems. We didn't talk much, and I finally moved away to live with a roommate. When that drive for me to self-define finally won out, over the need to hide from the world--I was able to 'care' about myself--to do things that were genuinely productive, however slow and scary they might come. And as she began to understand the obstacle that had been lifted from my path, she no longer 'feared' this change, as a detour or a delusion. She simply understood that it wouldn't have been what she'd have wanted for me. And therein lies the key--good parents desperately want success for their children: but they only understand the success in their terms, not yours. You have to show them 'your' success, not just the limited version they've been picturing all their lives. That's really the moment when you win over a good parent--dazzling them with who you can become. Anyone who cannot be happy in that realization, is no parent." - Avery Romero

Lengthy quotes, but every word is powerful and has so much truth embedded within. I haven't spoken much with my family since I relocated to Little Rock. My mother will occasionally text me, telling me she loves me and is always thinking of me. But it feels so barren. Love, for me, is an action - not something that is just said. And also, I firmly pressed my thoughts into figurative stone toward my brother the other day. He replied with a stubborn-headed mental expression that was the equivalent of a kindergarten student proclaiming, "Nu huh. You can't make me! I don't wanna!"

It's frustrating. And you definitely can't say I'm not trying. But hey, at least I don't carry on a relationship with a voice inside my head. Walking contradictions, yikes.

Waiting on Dr. Cathey...selfie time!

BUT ANYWAY. This past Tuesday's clinic appointment with Dr. Cathey was all sorts of wonderful. She walked in, I was standing, messing around with my phone, and she lead with exuberance as she hugged me and said, "I've been so excited to see you and how you've been progressing." She told me she was quite excited to see my name on her list for the day's patients. This thrilled me all too much to know someone cares that greatly, not only to see me, but to witness my progression on a bimonthly basis. It made this girl quite happy. Maybe I should send her a link to my blog? :P

She and I discussed my levels at the previous four month mark, I voiced my concerns about my breast development stalling a bit this past month, and she decided that we need to up my estradiol dosage. She went even further and talked about how it would be a good idea to get started on progesterone as well - which aids in breast development.  I got incredibly ecstatic. So,  I had blood work done immediately after my visit with her. I actually watched the needle go in this time around, too. I hate needles. So much. Haha. And at 8 p.m. Tuesday night, I was finally able to see the results of my blood work. My testosterone count had gone from 27.8 to 32.2. This bothered me a bit, but I was still quite under the limit it needed to be. No worries there. But my estrogen level? Oh my. I went from 182 at the four month mark to 372 at six months. Goal achieved! Now on to the next level! I don't think Dr. Cathey has viewed my lab results yet, as she hasn't commented on them on the report, but I'm sure she's going to be quite happy with what she sees. I know I am. :)

Jenny and Jessi are <3

With that out of the way, my sights were focused on the job interview I had Friday morning. I felt like the entire interview was very solid. It was very easy to connect with every person that entered the room. You know, Squirtles and Bulbasaurs...trust me, it makes sense. The work that was described to me sounds like something completely up my alley, and it excites me quite a bit. I do realize now, though, after coming home and asking Google to spell occurrence...that I completely botched part of the proofreading test they had me take. Sad face, indeed. I promise I can spell! Anyway, I very much so do hope that I hear back from them. They all seem completely lovely, and I know I could mix in quite well with their group.

I loves Jenny-loo-hoo :)

Oh! I can't believe that I almost forgot to write about this next topic! Thursday evening was especially fun for me. My dear friend, Jenny, and her friend, Jessi, were nearby Little Rock running around. They stopped in for the evening, which was quite the surprise for me, and we decided to have dinner together. Fun! The three of us ventured over to Cajun's Wharf (yum yum), and afterwards, we hit up the Diamond Bear Brewery Co. So good. My 'strawberry blonde' was tasty. Fantastic end to the night, and then I was off on my way back to my cozy and comfortable little apartment. And it was wonderful getting to meet Jessi, too! Sweet girl.

Here's the two week physical progress report...



Lengthy blog post...and I apologize. Lots of info and thoughts to noodle your way through, though. Enjoy. Check in again next week, you guys. And like always...be good! See ya, space cowboy. :)