It's Getting Easier *EOTWP*
04 April
Definitely. It's getting much, much easier. One full week of living authentically as the real me - Anna Foster (AND with a legal name change and gender marker update, too!) So exciting.
My voice is coming around now fairly well, too, now that I'm seriously pushing it at work. It's helped me considerably this past week. It still starts off weak in the morning when I first wake up, but I get the motor running by talking to myself constantly in the shower. I'm sure T.C. is thinking, "What is up with this girl?!" :P Still work to do in that area. I'll get it. :)
And wow. It's weird not having really seen my own actual hair in a full week. It's curling so much on the sides now. Cute. Haha.
My main concern going forward - and I'm sure this is always the heaviest thing on the hearts and minds of all transgender people when finally living life in public - is whether or not I would be able to pass. I was first put at ease two weeks ago on a Saturday when I built up the courage to finally do just that. I ventured into my workplace to say hi to everyone and well, basically surprise the ever-loving crap out of them. Was fun! Teehee! But this past Monday, waiting for the courtroom to open, I was standing out in the lobby with all of the others waiting, too, and not a single glaring eye came my way. "Okay, hmmm," I thought. It wasn't until my birth name was called for my case with the judge that several others in the courtroom looked my way with a surprised look as I stood up. One girl's mouth even went a little agape. Yup, I'm transgender.
So, when I got to work that day after finishing all of my name change business, I knocked on the office door, and I could hear our office lady say to my co-manager, "OH. Uhh, Anna's here..." Yup. I had arrived. Finally. Upon her opening the door, I poked my hip to the side, put my hand on my waist, and said, "Rodney, let's do this. I'm now legally Anna. Cheryl, print me a new name tag." She smiled and nodded yes, and Rodney said he would be with me in a minute to begin. So, I walked into the break room and saw my wonderful friend, Vanna, sitting there. She heard my voice, then turned her head to say hi...only to see who was actually standing there. A big smile came over her face. I was super happy.
And later in the day is when it really dawned on me that I had truly arrived. I was helping a lady with a craft project over in my section of the store, and her little daughter kept tugging on her mother's shirt tail, saying, "Momma, momma! Ask her if she's got any Frozen toys here. Ask her, please?!" Seriously. My heart melted, and I wanted to cry. I knew everything was real. I mean, like I've said to friends and family countless times over the past several months, I've always known who I am on the inside, but hearing this innocent, little girl validate all of that almost sent me to tears. But I just smiled and continued helping the lady with her project.
So, here I am. And now I will forever be. And it's truly extraordinary how turned around my life has become in the over two months it has been since starting hormone replacement. And the great thing about it all is that it's only going to get better. BETTER! :D I love life so much now. I want to do and see everything! It's amazing. (Now, I've just got to be patient for a couple of years before I'm able to get rid of this appendage down below. Ugh. In due time, though, Anna. In due time.)
Fifth laser treatment this coming Wednesday, too! Until then, be good, everybody! See ya. <3
2 comments
I love your posts and I love you! I feel privileged to read your journey to be the person you are. We are woman, hear us roar! <3
ReplyDeleteYES! And thank you! I love having so many wonderful friends join me on this journey, too. The support keeps my stable - and I'm so thankful for every single one of you! :)
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