My Future Home & a Dream

09 February

Seattle, WA - the Emerald City. A city that I will be claiming as home a little over two and a half years from now. And good heavens, am I ever so ready. This hole, and I mean that in the most sincere form possible, that I currently live in northeast Arkansas is incredibly life-draining. Maybe not for you or others, but it definitely is for me. I despise the weather, the landscape of the delta region, the close-minded mentality of the majority of people, and the religious hypocrisy that exists here. I would imagine for someone that moves here from elsewhere in the country, they'd be able to feel the sad state of depression that would ooze its way into their life. Because it does. It just does. And I tire of it. I'm amazed, really, that I'm even doing my transition here in the buckle of the Bible belt, but I figured it would be best to do and finish that here. Then later, once I'm complete (barring SRS), move to my new home.

And I'd like to thank several key friends for being there; urging, pushing me to forgo this move. Brett, Dusk, Dexter, Leah, and Tori... you guys are beyond rad. Thank you for being incredible.

But as for the dream?

I don't comment on dreams often that take place during sleep, but this one stood out to me quite a bit for some reason. It may be slightly strange, and it happens to include Taylor Swift as well, but it was beyond interesting for me - and for the first time, I could visually see my future self. I imagine I was smiling ear to ear during my sleep. :P

So, yeah. The Grammys were last night. I didn't watch as I couldn't keep myself from the Walking Dead premier. But anyway, my dream involved the Grammys, albeit slightly different. This award show took place at my high school's gymnasium, and it was my future self sitting there with Miss Swift on my left, my brother on my right, and my Tuckerman friends, Matt, Nikki, and Brian placed to the right of my brother. There were several high school classmates sitting in the area in front of me - we sat at the very top of the bleachers. :P

So, as the award show was going on with all of the musical acts and whatnot, Swifty goes on and on talking to me about life - wanting to know the ins and outs of what makes me, me. (I kept thinking she was hitting on me... if only. :P) But she was genuinely interested in my life. All the while, my brother keeps interrupting her, trying to tell her his truth of what he thinks my life has been about. Taylor wasn't having any of it, though, and she kept listening to me and giving advice. So, this went on for a while until it was Taylor's turn to perform on stage. She grabbed my brother by the collar of his shirt, and pulled him on stage during her performance. Before she began, she stated that she was going to perform a new song she'd been working on - just for me. And this song was important, because it was something incredibly crucial and valuable for my brother to understand who I am as a human being.

But my brother kept wanting to turn his back and walk off stage. Taylor repeatedly kept grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him back on stage. (I'm not sure what this represents in my internal psyche other than my desire that my brother/family not walk out on me just because I am who I am - transgender.) But anyway, she finishes the song, and of course, tells my brother to just shake it off. :P He shakes his head left and right, disagreeing with her, but they all come back to sit down with us.

Taylor then shifts closer to me, placing her head on my shoulder, and she tells me, "Anna, no matter what comes your way, no matter what difficulties you may face, and no matter how much strife you might take from friends or family that disagree, just know this one're going to be just fine. Believe in yourself above anything else - and just cherish yourself and those around you."

My brother, and Brian for some reason (sorry, Brian!), stand upon hearing this, and walk out; disgruntled. Taylor looks at me and says, "Haters gonna hate." We, along with everyone around us, all laugh, and that's about the time that I woke up - with a smile on my face. I giggled. :P

Anyway, I'm gonna go watch the newest episode of Broadchurch now. Hope everyone had a great day, and be good! <3

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