"People changed lots of other personal things all the time. They dyed their hair and dieted themselves to near death. They took steroids to build muscles and got breast implants and nose jobs so they'd resemble their favorite movie stars. They changed names and majors and jobs and husbands and wives. They changed religions and political parties. They moved across the country or the world -- even changed nationalities. Why was gender the one sacred thing we weren’t supposed to change? Who made that rule?" - Ellen Wittlinger, Parrotfish
“But you can only lie about who you are for so long without going crazy.” ― Ellen Wittlinger, ParrotfishReligion. It causes war. It causes hatred. It causes violence of all scales. And it, yes, causes discrimination.
My family makes me cry. They hurt me emotionally. Since unveiling who I truly am, I've had Biblical scripture after scripture and Christian-biased article after article thrown at me, telling me that I'm wrong, and that the way I feel is an utter lie. Listen. No one said this was going to be easy. It won't be. I'm aware of that. Believe it, I am. But don't you even dare tell me that my feelings and emotions are all a farce. No one else has grown up in this body or shell like I have - no one knows how disgusted, how tortured I've felt my entire life. I've hidden who I truly am for a LONG time, and I can't take the sleepless nights, the crying, and the mental and emotional pain any longer. It is way beyond time to finally do something about that this. And that's why I've been taking all of the steps necessary to get this going.
And it puzzles me to infinity that my family can't separate spiritual conviction and how one identifies his/her self as a gender. They are not mutually exclusive. Am I a spiritual person? Sure. I follow the teachings of what Jesus Christ spoke of when he walked the Earth...that we, as human beings, are to love, support, care for, and respect all humanity around us. Do I believe the mystical fairy tales written in the Bible concerning how life began? No at all. Logic and physics tell me that notion is utterly absurd. Adam and Eve only? Come on. That means the entire world was created upon incest. Sheesh.
There is absolutely nothing in the Bible that states anything about being transgender or gender identity. There are a few goofy laws in the Old Testament written by crazy, old, wide-eyed toddler men stating that men shouldn't dress in female garments. But there isn't anything about women dressing in male garments. WHERE'S THE DOUBLE STANDARD, BIBLE?? WHERE IS IT? Ugh.
And don't tell me that changing my body so drastically is a sin. Hah. A SIN! If it is, then every circumsized male, every human with pierced ears or belly buttons, every tattooed individual, every person who's ever had any surgery that medically modifies a part of their body to help in aid, etc etc... ALL of these people, according to the Bible's "logic," are going to hell. Yup. Everyone one of 'em! Sheesh, again. :/
I received some fairly hateful and negative messages from my mother and sister earlier this morning. I wanted to cry. But I'm good at keeping my head held high and staying positive. All I can do is just shake it off. Right, T. Swifty? :P If I have to abandon my family and show them some harsh love to get them to understand that this has to happen, then so be it. I will. It's going to be terrible, as I love my family immensely, but I'll do it.
Thankfully, I have an incredible group of supportive friends. They've become my new family. And I appreciate every single one of them to the moon and back. <3
I'm sorry for the rant. I just...was really hurt this morning. Anyway, be good, everyone. :)
- 30 December
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